
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/13484682.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Be_More_Chill_-_Iconis/Tracz
  Relationship:
      Rich_Goranski/Jeremy_Heere, Jeremy_Heere/Michael_Mell, (one_sided), Rich
      Goranski/Michael_Mell, (Minor), Jake_Dillinger/Michael_Mell,
      (background), Brooke_Lohst/Chloe_Valentine, Rich_Goranski_&_Michael_Mell,
      Rich_Goranski_&_Jeremy_Heere, Rich_Goranski_&_Brooke_Lohst, Rich_Goranski
      &_Jake_Dillinger_-_Relationship, Bicycles_-_Relationship, expensive
      headphones_-_Relationship, boyf_riends, Pins_and_Patches_-_Relationship,
      Pinkberry_-_Relationship, spicy_bis
  Character:
      Rich_Goranski, Jeremy_Heere, Michael_Mell, Brooke_Lohst, Jake_Dillinger,
      Chloe_Valentine, Jenna_Rolan, Christine_Canigula
  Additional Tags:
      Angst_with_a_Happy_Ending, Angst, Slow_Burn, (ish?), please_give_my_baby
      a_chance, this_fic_has_taken_my_entire_soul, has_some_boyfs_but_not_all
      boyfs, Rare_Pairings, the_explicit_rating_is_for_things_at_the_very_end,
      the_squip_squad_are_all_seniors_in_my_pov, but_i_tagged_underage_just_to
      be_safe, Post-Squip
  Series:
      Part 1 of Life_in_Lyrics
  Stats:
      Published: 2018-01-26 Words: 16140
****** Travel Through Your Blood Until ******
by made_ofstardust
Summary
     "Feels like you're missing a part of yourself, doesn't it?" Rich
     commented at his temporary roommate, nodding sympathetically, hoping
     against hope he came across as casual, as normal, as if nothing about
     him had changed, as if his whole world hadn’t just shifted on its
     axis. Jeremy blinked at him, looking bewildered, his eyebrows
     scrunched together slightly and his mouth just barely open and Rich’s
     eyes widened imperceptibly. Shit.
     or
     In which Rich has a lot of feelings for one Jeremy Heere and has no
     idea how to navigate, like, anything.
Notes
     i have poured by sweat blood and tears into this goddamn fic
     i really love rich and jeremy together? and rich doesn't get enough
     attention from anyone? so i wrote this.
     i wanted to add more with rich and his friendships in the place that
     the intermission is, originally. i tried over the course of a month
     and a half or so and kept hitting a wall, so i put the intermission
     and left it how it was. jenna, christine, and chloe didn't get the
     character development they deserve at all, and jake and brooke had a
     lot to be desired. i do apologize for that.
     i would love some feedback, as this is my first time writing for this
     fandom!!
     pls enjoy!!!
See the end of the work for more notes
"Hello?" Rich flinched in his hospital bed, startled by Jeremy finally stirring
in the adjacent bed. Damn, Michael's gonna be pissed that he’s not in here.
Rich guessed that at least he wouldn’t have to keep wallowing in his boredom,
however, so that was a perk. "Ow. Ow ow ow ow ow," Jeremy groaned, his hands
flying up to his head. Rich decided to speak up, stuffing his rising, cottony
concern down inside himself.
"Feels like you're missing a part of yourself, doesn't it?" Rich commented at
his temporary roommate, nodding sympathetically, hoping against hope he came
across as casual, as normal, as if nothing about him had changed, as if his
whole world hadn’t just shifted on its axis. Jeremy blinked at him, looking
bewildered, his eyebrows scrunched together slightly and his mouth just barely
open and Rich’s eyes widened imperceptibly. Shit.
"Rich?" he questioned, tilting his head, a faint blush dusting his cheeks.
Shit, shit, shit, what the fuck, he's so cute. Rich shook himself from his
thoughts, because honestly, now is not the time to think about it.
"Hurts like a motherfucker, too. Be honest, what are they saying about me at
school?" Rich lisped. His heart sank slightly when Jeremy glanced down at his
own hands and he felt like there was a boulder that was settling just below his
stomach. "That bad?"
"Sorry..." Jeremy mumbled. Rich laughed quietly, smiling at the guilty
adolescent when he looked up, seeming surprised by Rich’s nonchalance, and yet
how could he think Rich wanted him to be sorry when he was able to be himself
again?
"Sorry? I'm finally free of that shiny happy hive mind! When I get out of here,
the ladies are gonna learn to love the real Richard Goranski." Rich paused for
a moment. Oh. So that’s why he was so distracted. "And the dudes. Oh my god,
I'm totally bi!" Jeremy snorted softly at him as Rich grinned, wide and just
this side of snarky, trying wildly to mask his inner panic and bracing himself
for a shock until-
"Your squip's gone? But how?" Jeremy was confused again, and wow, why does he
look like a kicked puppy I cannot handle this shit-
"Ask your buddy. Anti-social headphones kid? He's been by like, a ton, by the
way. What is he, your boyfriend? No judgement. Just curious. Totally bi now."
Rich was definitely more than just curious, finding himself hoping against hope
that there was nothing going on there because he would very much like to be
owned by Jeremy Heere and wow since when am I like that. Jeremy opened his
mouth to reply when he was cut off by the door opening, Michael himself
strolling into the room. Rich jumped at the noise, startled, masking it poorly
with a clearly-fake sneeze.
"I'm sure someone special will be lucky to have you, Rich," Michael stated,
easily, calmly, sending him a blinding grin. Rich quirked his lips up with
furrowed brows, looking at him, hoping. Please be right. Also, why the fuck did
Michael have to have the worst timing in the history of the planet? Rich
absolutely needed to know if they were an item, thank you very much.
"You think?" Michael and Jeremy both nodded, Jeremy’s smile wobbly and fearful,
before Michael pulled the curtain shut for some privacy that Rich wouldn’t give
him. He carefully eavesdropped on the conversation, gathering intel on how the
squips were deactivated and oh, that kinda makes sense, tilting his head at Mr.
Heere when he entered and eventually pulling the curtain aside when he felt the
need to comment on Jeremy’s love life. He flashed Jeremy a huge grin and winked
as he said, "No, man, you tell her that she excites you sexually, and that's
the way you get to her heart," half expecting a shock for being wrong. He felt
a mild aching in his chest but ignored it to the best of his ability. His
feelings weren’t as important as this was.
===============================================================================
 
Rich stared at the TV in front of him blankly, eyes foggy over and unfocused as
he gazed at yet another re-run of the same episode of Property Brothers on
HGTV. He sighed through his nose, burns itching, and turned to look at the
clock. After that useless focus change, he huffed, contemplating if he could
somehow stand up in his full-body cast and go bang his head against the wall
until he blacked out.
He heard someone clear their throat gently and flicked his eyes towards the
door, expecting yet another nurse, but making a high, surprised keening noise
when he saw Michael Mell giving him a sheepish grin. Wow, fuck, that was
embarrassing, definitely not an okay thing to do, and he braced himself for the
shock that never came. Oh, right. Person. Okay. “Hey, did you leave something
important here when you all left, or...?” Rich trailed. Michael blinked.
“You,” he answered. Rich sputtered on the whisper of a clever response that had
been building in his throat, blinking and verbally flailing for words to
respond. Michael snorted and rolled his eyes. “Breathe, dude.” Rich struggled
for a moment more before he took a deep breath, shutting his eyes and marveling
briefly at the lack of haunting electric blue behind his eyelids. He exhaled
and lifted his eyelids, offering a timid smile to Michael.
“Hey, headphones kid,” he snarked, teasing, making Michael roll his eyes and
let out a snort as he pulled the door shut and crossed the room in four long
strides, settling in the chair next to Rich’s hospital bed.
“Hey, short stack,” he countered. Rich laughed genuinely, surprised and
delighted by this new development. He watched with interest as Michael swung
his backpack around, faded ‘riends’ still prominent on its front. A triumphant
noise came from the Filipino boy, breaking Rich from his stupor as he pulled
out a Gameboy and a plethora of old, worn games. Rich raised an eyebrow.
“Figured you could use some entertainment.” The and a friend went unsaid, but
Rich appreciated the gesture, nonetheless.
“I guess you and your archaic games will work,” Rich sighed, looking put-upon,
and Michael let out a short, loud laugh. He started up the system, humming so
quietly Rich could just barely trace it, and smiled in satisfaction once his
game of choice was running, turning to make sure Rich would be able to see.
Amidst some ridiculous, albeit expected, comments from Rich, they’d
occasionally sneak in a serious exchange or two, creating a carefully balanced
conversation that not only got the negativity out into the air, but was
lighthearted enough to prevent any anxiety it may have caused either of them.
“So…” Rich trailed. Michael glanced up and raised an eyebrow, humming in
acknowledgement. “You and Jeremy.” Michael’s face fell slightly and Rich
panicked. “Youdon’thavetoanswerifyoudon’twantto!” Time seemed to freeze as
Michael gave him an odd look. He blinked. He blinked again. And, to Rich’s
mortification, burst into laughter.
“What did you even say?” he snorted, curling in on himself as laughs spilled
from his mouth and filled the air. Rich pouted, wishing he could fold his arms
as he sat and listened to Michael’s immense amusement. The taller boy spouted
out some quick, indecipherable gibberish and continued laughing until he did
the unspeakable.
He snorted.
There was another pause for a moment before Rich started cackling and Michael
joined in, the sounds echoing around the room and filling the space behind
Rich’s eyes with a pleasant buzzing instead of the cottony emptiness that he’d
felt since the loss of his squip. Once they’d calmed down, Michael settled back
into his chair and sighed. Part of Rich yearned to reach out and comfort him,
but not only was the cast preventing that from being possible, Rich was unsure
as to if it’d be appreciated or socially appropriate or if he was even allowed
to-
Wait.
“Not a thing,” Michael stated, mouth resting oddly. Rich sucked in a breath
through his nose, not sure whether to feel relieved for his own peace of mind
or saddened by the expression he saw settle on Michael’s face. “He likes
Christine. It’s- it won’t happen.”
Rich frowned and wished he could hug him. “I’m sorry for bringing it up,” he
said sincerely, hoping that he hadn’t made a wrong move in saying so. Michael
offered him a pained, earnest smile. Thank god.
“It’s okay.” They sat in silence for a moment. Rich figured he should maybe
explain why he asked, but was hoping against hope he wouldn’t have to, until-
“Were you asking because of me or because of Jeremy?” Michael asked, raising an
eyebrow.
Rich sputtered, blinking and wishing he could cover his red face. “I- um, I-
just- just curious?” he questioned. Michael gave him a skeptical look but Rich
tried to hold the smile (read: grimace) he had on his face. Michael’s eyebrows
raised a little higher and he cracked. Rich mumbled out a “Jeremy” and Michael
grinned. Not that I didn’t have a crush on you freshman year, he added
silently.
“Guess we’re in the same boat, then.”
“Guess we are.”
===============================================================================
 
Rich took a deep, shaking breath, staring at the parking lot ahead of him,
dread caging his heart and seeping into his lungs. He tried to breathe, eyes
shut and mouth quivering, his hands white knuckled against the steering wheel
as he tucked his chin to his chest. I can do this, he thought timidly, trying
desperately to convince himself. I can do this! Firmer that time, he braced
himself, floundering for control, wishing he didn’t have to go back.
On the first of December, a few brief weeks after the loss of his squip, a
month and a day after the loss of his dignity and friends, Rich stepped out of
his car and began approaching Middleborough High. With his bag slung over one
shoulder bursting with the homework he missed and a tank top that allowed him
to unabashedly show his burn scars, Rich ran a hand through his hair before
opening the door, holding his spine straight and his head high as he began his
march towards his locker, just as the squip had programmed him to do.
Whispers trailed behind him like smoke as he walked down the hallway and he
blocked them out as best he could. I can’t, under any circumstances, let them
get to me. Two minutes of torture later, Rich stood in front of his locker,
opening it cautiously. A torrent of papers drifted to the floor, each one with
some variant of ‘bastard’, ‘arsonist’, ‘psychopath’, and the like splaying
themselves at his feet. He ignored the way he felt raw, as if he’d been flayed
open for everyone to see the way his intestines churned with guilt, and focused
on the familiar, thick smell of sandalwood incense that clung to his
belongings. He’d always liked sandalwood; it was nice, heady, and it covered
the stench of alcohol that trailed him whenever he walked through his house.
He rummaged through the locker, collecting the stray insults before he pulled
back, shutting the metal door with a clang. He bent down and snatched up all
the paper on the floor, taking the decent sized stack with him and shoving them
into the trash carelessly as he walked towards his first period. He huffed out
a breath and rolled his eyes as he noticed pointing, a super fun addition to
all the whispers and glares.
He faltered as he turned the corner, seeing Jeremy talking animatedly to
Michael at Michael’s locker. Rich blinked and continued, hesitantly deciding to
not talk to them due to his inability to know what it was he should do. Just
because Michael visited him often in the hospital didn’t mean that Rich had any
room to speak to him at school. There was the chance that he’d just been being
kind while he needed kindness and Rich didn’t want to deal with the idea that
he wasn’t meant to talk to Michael outside of the hospital.
He was, however, proven wrong, as Michael spotted him and grinned, waving
wildly. Rich swallowed, nervous, as Jeremy turned slowly, and Rich shot them
both a hesitant smile as he redirected himself to approach them. “Rich, my
buddy! You didn’t tell me you were coming back today,” Michael exclaimed,
giving him a nudge. Rich laughed and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.
“Sorry, I didn’t find out until Friday that I’d be discharged in time, so…”
Michael nodded understandingly. Rich looked from Michael to Jeremy to Michael
again, hesitant to say anything further. He felt a hand on his arm and wow,
okay, that’s a thing. He looked up at Jeremy and was surprised to see him with
an awkward smile on his face.
“I, uh- I’m- I’m glad that you’re, y’know, back,” he said, retracting his hand
to gesticulate, waving at nothing as he rocked on his heels. Rich felt air
ghost over his forehead and caught the slight smell of dryer sheets and
something else before he processed what was said. He gave what he hoped looked
like an easy smile, shoving his hands in his pockets and shifting his weight to
one foot.
“Good to be back,” he responded, trying to come across as calm, as confident,
and as unbothered by the gossip that all three were well aware was haunting
him. Rich just wanted everyone to change their profile pictures back. Jeremy’s
smile became a bit less awkward and the crinkle in his nose righted itself.
Michael snorted, clapping Rich on the shoulder.
“Imagine being gone for long enough it’d be good to be back.” His voice was
teasing and dramatic and Rich rolled his eyes before they zeroed on in Jeremy,
who had let out a loud, piercing laugh before clapping his hand over his mouth,
eyes smiling and what the fuck. Rich listened to the muted giggles that were
muffled behind his hand and bit back a smile.
He defended himself with a, “Come on, you’d be bored, too.” Michael and Jeremy
began some mindless chatter that Rich felt content to just listen in on, still
aware of the emptiness in his skull but making an effort not to focus on it.
This, however, led to his attention being held by Jeremy. His head angled
upwards as he took in Jeremy’s face, open and content, a wide smile on his lips
as he and Michael geeked out about some game or another. Rich felt his gut
clench as he observed his blue cardigan and the curve of his throat and he
quickly shook himself from his stupor.
He went to interject on the best Mario Kart character, citing Yoshi, when the
shrill, unwelcome sound of the bell interrupted his train of thought. His
breath was pulled out of him and he deflated slightly, bidding Michael and
Jeremy goodbye as his feet dragged towards his first period. It was good to be
back to his escape from home, but it wasn’t good to be back to the work.
===============================================================================
 
Michael groaned as GAME OVER flashed on screen, angry red against black, black,
black. Rich sighed and fell back onto the beanbag, rolling his head lazily to
look at Michael as the hoodie-clad gamer whined, "We were so close! That's the
15th try today!" Rich rolled his eyes and swatted at the heavyset boy lightly.
"Bro, it's just a game," he stated, getting an appalled glare from Michael.
"Bro, it's my favorite game, and I should be able to beat it!" Rich laughed as
Michael slumped over in defeat. "Have you thought about reaching out to him?"
Rich's face sank slightly and he shook his head.
"No, it's not- I just- I don't feel like he'd want me to," Rich mumbled
uncomfortably. It had been two months since the play, since he'd been freed.
Liberated. At this point in mid-January, Michael had secured himself the
position of Best Friend™, Rich and Jake not having spoken much since Halloween.
They still talked, and Jake visited Rich a few times in the hospital, but it
wasn’t ever the same between them. The loss of his best friend as well as his
squip still sometimes had him floundering for control.
"Rich, no one will understand what either of you is going through better than
each other. You should talk to him," Michael prodded, standing and walking to
the mini fridge in the corner. "Mountain Dew Red?" At Rich's nod, Michael
tossed him a bottle and grabbed one for himself, kicking the door shut behind
him.
"It's just so-" Rich ran a hand through his hair to prevent himself from
fidgeting. "Complicated." Michael sat heavily in the beanbag next to him and
pat his knee comfortingly. Rich avoided his eyes, wishing more than anything he
knew what to say, what to do, how not to be so emotional and lame and-
"I know," Michael soothed, smiling a pained smile. "But Rich, I can't help him.
He won't talk to me. Especially after he and Christine broke up, he's wallowing
in his own guilt over what happened and I don't know how to help him anymore. I
love him. I love him so much it hurts and sure, he's a raging bisexual,” Rich
let out a snort, “but he made it clear when he came out that he wouldn't do
anything to endanger our friendship and I'm trying to move on but I haven't
yet. Seeing him like this is killing me. Please, can you try?" Rich shut his
eyes for a moment, picturing Jeremy pushed up against the wall of the bathroom
the day Rich told him about the squip, wide blue eyes and deep red blush and
big navy cardigan and stupid striped shirt and full lips and this was all his
fault he could never deserve Jeremy and-
"I'll do it." Michael let out a cheer and Rich pinched the bridge of his nose
as he let out a heavy breath through his nostrils. Shit.
===============================================================================
 
"Hey, tall ass, wait up!" Jeremy whipped his head around as Rich jogged towards
him.
"Uh- yeah?" he questioned, fiddling with the sleeve of his stupid fucking
sweater cardigan.
"Are you free after school?" Rich questioned casually as his mind screamed
because holy shit he was doing this this was happening oh my-
"Yeah, I think so, why?" Jeremy's head tilted and he looked at Rich with
curiosity in his eyes, blinking a few times, and holy shit Rich wanted to push
him against the lockers and lick into his mouth and- nope, time to focus.
"Because we're bi pals and should hang out. Mine or yours?" Rich said, giving a
cocky grin to cover up his very not platonic thoughts. Jeremy sputtered and
flapped his hands for a minute and Rich kept looking at him expectantly,
crossing his arms.
"U-um, mine, I guess?" Jeremy stuttered. Rich smiled widely.
"Rad, I'll meet you at your locker after sixth, I'll drive," he proclaimed,
grinning and shooting finger guns before turning to go to class. Jeremy’s hands
started flailing again.
"O-okay? Do you even know where my last class-" Jeremy faltered as the bell
rang, "is?" He shook his head lightly and went the opposite direction than Rich
did. God, he hated AP Chem.
===============================================================================
 
Jeremy arrived at his locker to the sight of Rich leaning against it, arms
folded, watching for him. Once he saw Jeremy, he perked up considerably. "Hey,
tall ass!" Rich greeted, smiling easily as he pushed himself off the metal with
his shoulder.
"Hey, Rich," Jeremy said with a hesitant smile pulling at the corners of his
mouth, and Rich would like to kiss the corner of his mouth and then the rest of
his mouth, and shit, there goes the crush again.
"You ready?" he asked as Jeremy finished stuffing things into his locker.
Disorganization. Cute. Jeremy looked down at Rich and gave another hesitant
grin.
"As I'll ever- sorry, yeah," Jeremy cut himself off, closing his eyes for a
moment. Rich pursed his lips sympathetically and grabbed Jeremy's wrist.
"Then come on, tall ass, I don't like to be kept waiting!" Rich started
dragging Jeremy down the hall, ignoring his heart beating harshly and his
stomach dropping, focusing instead on the tingling feeling in his neck and the
blush that had soaked itself underneath Jeremy's freckles when Rich had taken
his wrist, considering what constellations he may find in them if he had the
chance and- shit.
They approached Rich's Dodge Challenger and Jeremy laughed. "Of course that's
your car," he snickered, nudging Rich teasingly as he took in the red and the
tacky black stripes. Rich's heart sped up as he gave a gasp in mock offense.
"Don't insult the car!" he exclaimed before snorting. "Nah, insult the car, the
fucking Siri knockoff made me buy it, it's tacky as hell." Jeremy scrunched up
his nose and smiled.
"Well, I like it. It suits you." He smiled and Rich rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, yeah." As Rich started the car, he gestured at the aux cord. "You can
choose the jams but if you play trash, I'll fight you," he threatened. Jeremy
snorted quietly as he plugged in his phone. After a moment of scrolling while
Rich backed out and approached the street, fucking Rick Astley began blaring
through his car. "What kind of shit music tastes-" Rich started as Jeremy fell
into laughter, shoulders shaking and hand clapped over his mouth. Rich smiled
fondly and swatted at Jeremy until he finally played something decent, the shit
bag. The rest of the car ride was spent laughing, joking, and Rich's mind was
still for just a few moments, burn scars forgotten, empty space in his head
filled now with thoughts of the sweet, awkward, tall boy in his passenger seat.
Shit, he thought gently.
===============================================================================
 
Soon enough, Thursday became Rich and Jeremy's day to hang out and eat junk
food and watch stupid gaming channels and for Rich to slowly die a painful,
painful death. Jeremy soon became a steadying presence in Rich's life, someone
to pinch him when he got too lost in his head, someone to whisper the answer to
a question when he was zoning out in class, someone to sit and make shitty
jokes with. Paired with Michael, Rich's walls were inch by inch, step by step,
kill the cripple - no, Rich, stop, enough Rocky Horror references- being pulled
down. Which was really fucking scary. And sometimes Rich swore he could hear
the echo of its voice in the back of his head, he swore it just often enough to
be paranoid about it coming back, and Jeremy was always there with quiet
understanding, and Michael always came armed with Mountain Dew Red and his
horrible taste in music but Rich was still afraid of being known, still afraid
of being seen for himself.
"Rich?" Jeremy asked, causing Rich to roll his head away from the screen and
focus his brown eyes on Jeremy's blue oneshis blue eyes that were so different
from the electric blue blue blue of the squip and- Rich jolted as Jeremy rested
two fingertips on his bare knee. "Hey." It was soft, soothing, and Rich shut
his eyes against the world for a moment, concentrating on the red he saw behind
his eyelids as he tilted his head up for a minute. I'm fine. He breathed out
through his nostrils and came back to reality, giving Jeremy a shaky grin.
"Yeah, bro?" he responded, wincing internally at the term.
"Do you- er, maybe wanna, um, s-spend the night?" Jeremy flushed and flapped
his hands a bit as Rich's eyebrows furrowed slightly. "Be-because it's getting
late a-and it's not an issue if you do and-but if you don't then it- that's
fine, too, I mean-" Rich laughed quietly and Jeremy fell silent, turning his
eyes downwards and fiddling with his stupid sweater sleeves again and-
"Dude, yeah, I'll stay," Rich said warmly. Jeremy looked up from under his
eyelashes and gave Rich a small, timid smile, his hand still at his left sleeve
and the corner of his mouth indented slightly and holy shit is he chewing on
his cheek? "No homo, though," Rich joked, lowering his voice while waggling his
eyebrows and making Jeremy snort unattractively before clapping a hand on his
face, accidentally smacking his nose when he did so.
"Ow!" Jeremy moaned as Rich fell backwards on the couch, laughing loudly and
clapping. What a stupid clumsy dork.
"That was smooth, tall ass!" Rich's voice was sarcastic, teasing as he
struggled to hold back laughter, cracking when Jeremy scowled at him. Rich's
laughter caused the corner of Jeremy's mouth to twitch until he too was
giggling softly, and they laughed for a moment more. Rich stopped a few seconds
before Jeremy did and took a moment to watch Jeremy fondly, observing the way
his head was thrown back and the way the silhouette of his face was defined in
the gentle, warm, yellow light, and all Rich felt was warm, warm from the crown
of his head to where his neck met his shoulders to his fingernails to where his
thighs met his pelvis to the spaces between his toes and his gaze softened.
Jeremy caught him staring and swept a stray curl behind his ear, his hair being
a bit longer than usual, with an insecure furrow to his brows but still
retaining his small smile that was just for Rich.
"What?" he asked quietly, blinking his eyes, and Rich took a moment to breathe,
drinking in his eyelashes and his neck and the way his adam's apple bobbed and
how he wanted to bite the left side of his neck, right at the base, and-
"Nothing," he said. "Just lost in thought."
And when they were lying on the floor later, in a mess of pillows and blankets
and Jeremy what the fuck why are your legs so long, Rich definitely didn't
press a feather light kiss to that very spot once he was absolutely sure Jeremy
had fallen asleep, Rich's eyelashes brushing gently along the pale skin and his
breath being pulled all the way down to his feet and through his body from his
nose and his mouth tightened and shook and his eyes scrunched and his chin
wobbled, thinking I gave him the squip and I ruined his life and he could never
want me and I could never deserve him and- and when Jeremy sighed, rolled over,
and wrapped an arm around Rich, pulling him close and mumbling something in his
sleep, he didn't hope that Jeremy had been awake, had somehow read his mind and
wanted him too, he didn't hope that he had a chance with this beautiful,
beautiful boy, this beautiful boy whose life he destroyed, this beautiful boy
that traveled through his blood until he grew roots in Rich's brain and his
toxic flowers poisoned his lungs and the vines broke Rich's heart like
concrete.
And he didn't cry.
He didn't.
===============================================================================
 
Rich bounced his way through the hallway, trailing his hand along the locker
and throwing finger guns to everyone who looked his way, regardless of if he
got a glare or a smile. He turned the corner to Jeremy’s locker and pulled up
short, eyes widening as he took in the god-awful Eminem shirt, ramrod straight
posture, and dark look on Jeremy’s face. Michael stood in front of Jeremy,
swaying slightly, and Rich gulped before he forced his feet to move again. He
came to stand next to Michael, eyeing Jeremy cautiously. “Hey,” he murmured,
eyebrows furrowed. Rich glanced at Michael’s worried face and he forced himself
to untense.
“Hi.” Jeremy’s greeting was clipped and sharp, mouth drawn into a horribly
familiar sour expression and Rich suppressed his flinch because it was all his
fault all his fault all his fault-
“I was just talking to Jeremy about that test we took in Bio yesterday,”
Michael stated, his voice neutral but his eyes betraying how lightly he was
treading. “He was saying he didn’t do very well on this unit last year.” Rich
took a deep breath and nodded, exhaling through his nose and pasting a small
smile on his face.
“I don’t think I’ll get anything higher than a C.” Jeremy let out a snort and
Rich froze.
“That’s what you get for not studying,” he teased, still standing stoically,
but his face having softened a bit to be less abrasive. Rich’s eyes flicked
over his cheeks and nose before they moved to the ground, noticing the way
Jeremy’s hands were opening and closing methodically. Fuck, he doesn’t have his
dumb-ass sweater.
Rich shrugged. “Oh, well. Pizza was more important,” he declared. Michael
laughed quietly and Jeremy snorted, rolling his eyes. The bell rang and Rich
jumped, making Jeremy let out a short chortle before he turned to Michael.
“We gotta get to class,” he stated, slinging his backpack over one shoulder and
slamming the door of his locker. Michael nodded and Jeremy turned back to Rich,
studying him for a moment. Rich’s face burned as Jeremy’s eyes bore into his
face consideringly. “Later, Rich.”
“Bye,” Rich answered quietly, quirking his lips up and immediately letting them
fall and his eyebrows furrow as he looked after Michael and Jeremy sadly
because if I hadn’t given him the squip this wouldn’t be happening what have I
done this isn’t right that wasn’t Jeremy what have I done what have I done what
have I done-
Rich fell to the floor and looked up, glaring at the group of guys who had
shoved into him, before he processed that Jeremy and Michael had long since
turned the corner. He sighed, gathering all his things before he stood,
brushing the dust off himself before turning on his heel and booking it to
class. Damn it.
All through his first four classes, Rich was sick with worry, thinking
endlessly of how awful he was and how worried he was about Jeremy and blah blah
blah, being asked by two of his teachers if he needed to go to the nurse. When
the bell finally rang, Rich slammed from his seat and bolted out the door,
stumbling through the halls towards the lunchroom with his sneakers squeaking
on the linoleum. He skidded to a stop just outside the doors, breathing heavily
as he steeled himself for what was to come.
He strode confidently to the usual table that the Squad™ sat at, settling
himself between Michael and Brooke, as usual. Brooke gave him a beaming smile
and he relaxed slightly, beginning his usual antics of trying to swipe
Michael’s slushy.
After the bell rang, Rich stood and gathered his things, laughing at some witty
comment Christine had made about the patriarchy. He felt someone grab his arm
and he turned, seeing Brooke standing in front of him with Jake just behind
her. “Wanna go to Pinkberry after school? Just the three of us?” she queried,
tilting her head and quirking an eyebrow. Rich nodded and Jake flashed him a
grin before Brooke spun on her heel and dragged him away. Rich shook his head
and rolled his eyes with a smile before meandering to his classroom.
The rest of the day passed in a blur, and before he knew it, Rich was pulling
up to Pinkberry with a small smile etched onto his face; he was still
pleasantly surprised that Jake and Brooke were even interested in being close
friends with him without everyone else there. He entered the shop and
immediately honed his focus on the loud laugher of Jake at their usual table in
the corner. Rich took a deep breath, trying to compose himself, and he stepped
towards the pair with butterflies clawing at his guts.
Rich stared at his feet as he walked to the booth. When all he heard was
silence, he glanced up to see Brooke and Jake giving him identical, eerie
grins. Rich let out a started, hysterical laugh and Brooke immediately lost her
composure, loud cackles spilling from her mouth and Jake let out a deep
chuckle. At his gesture, Rich slid into the seat next to Jake and Brooke beamed
at him from across the table. She slid him a carton of frozen yogurt, “cake
batter and strawberry with marshmallow fluff and cheesecake bites, as usual”
and Rich shut his eyes for a moment, forcing back his tears and ignoring the
feeling in his throat before accepting the carton and setting into his seat,
mixing the yogurt and toppings together.
Rich jumped slightly when he felt Jake clasp his arm around his shoulders. He
forced himself to relax as he felt the rumbling of Jake’s laugh in the chest
that was now pressed against his shoulder. It’s okay. Brooke smirked at them
and let out a teasing, “aww, how cute!” Rich snorted and Jake rolled his eyes
good-naturedly.
Jake started some small talk and Rich settled into the space, taking small
bites of his yogurt between answering the questions directed at him.
Eventually, when there was a brief lull in the conversation, the three of them
shared eye contact. “Okay, can we talk about why we’re really here?” Jake
asked. Rich blinked at Brooke let out a groan.
“Oh my god, please,” she whined, letting her head drop to the table.
“Um…?” Rich trailed off, confused.
“This is the part where we discuss our love lives, or in our cases, lack of
them,” Jake explained, making Rich take a sharp breath and laugh nervously.
“M-meee?” his voice cracked, “I don’t like anyone right now!” Jake snorted and
Brooke raised her head up from her arms to give him a flat glare and he made a
face and blinked several times.
“We all know that I like Chloe, Jake can’t figure out who he likes, and you
have a thing for Jeremy,” Brooke sassed, rolling her fingernails onto the
table. Rich inhaled sharply and shrunk into himself, trying to hide his face in
his shirt so they wouldn’t see the redness on his cheeks. Jake huffed and
reached over to gently tug a piece of Brooke’s hair. Rich buried his head in
his arms, dropping his head to mimic Brooke’s earlier position.
“You could’ve been a little more tactful,” he reprimanded her before setting
his hand on Rich’s shoulder. “Hey.” Rich lifted his head and peeked at Jake
with one eye, seeing his gentle smile and furrowed brows. “We aren’t judging
you. We’re all three in the same boat here. I figure having people to talk to
about feelings helps make it easier. To cope and shit, y’know?” Rich nodded his
head and Jake let out a chuckle.
Brooke reached across the table and placed her hand delicately on Rich’s
forearm. He sighed and relaxed his neck, letting his head settle against the
table and closing his eyes as Brooke started raking her fingers through his
hair. Her hand stilled and slid away eventually, and Rich stayed where he was,
and he sat and let himself be engrossed in listening to Brooke and Jake tease
each other and vent over their crushes, a small smile dancing around his lips.
===============================================================================
 
        bisexual lil shit: u awaake ?
        bisexual lil shit: ik iits latee
                   tall ass: yeah i'm awake what's up?     
        bisexual lil shit: caan i call u ???
               tall ass: of course. !!                          
'Calling tall ass'.                                                           
                                                           
"Hello?" Jeremy's voice came through the receiver and Rich shut his eyes,
burrowing under the covers and suppressing a sniffle.
"H-hey," Rich mumbled, his free hand clenching and unclenching as he sat,
hunched over and curled into himself.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, what's wrong, Rich?" Jeremy asked quickly, the raw worry in
his voice making Rich's chest clench and his face burn. He shut his eyes tight
and tried to ignore the memories.
"Nightmare." Jeremy made a sound of understanding and Rich thought he heard
house keys jingling in the background. No, it can't have been.
"Squip?" Rich hummed in assent and grabbed one of his pillows, hugging it.
"Can you just- talk...?" Rich faltered, his nails digging into his palms.
Jeremy started talking about everything and nothing and slowly, Rich's fist
unclenched, his jaw relaxed, his shoulders loosened, and his silent tears
ebbed. He heard a quiet tapping behind his blinds and pulled back the drapes to
see Jeremy standing there outside his first floor window, a faint smile on his
face, Mountain Dew Red in the hand that didn't have the phone, and empathy in
his eyes. Rich opened the window as Jeremy hung up the phone, and when Jeremy
gestured, Rich climbed outside after shoving on some Converse. As he squeezed
out the window, he didn't notice Jeremy setting down the Mountain Dew until he
felt arms wrap around him once he was outside. Rich stood on his tiptoes and
slid his arms around Jeremy's neck, hiding his face in the junction of Jeremy's
shoulder and sniffling quietly. Jeremy ran his fingers through Rich's hair and
hummed a song Rich didn't recognize.
A few moments later, Jeremy pulled away and smiled softly, waiting for Rich to
wipe his cheeks before gesturing to Rich's car. "Denny's?" Jeremy murmured,
tilting his head slightly and looking so, so pretty, and Rich was so
overwhelmed, he came to make sure I’m okay at two in the fucking morning. Rich
nodded his confirmation and slid into the driver's seat, starting the car as
music floated out of the stereo.
Once they were seated in a secluded booth at Denny's and had ordered (salted
caramel shake for Rich, vanilla for Jeremy, onion rings to share), Rich reached
out and ruffled Jeremy's hair, ignoring his 'hey!' of protest. "Thanks for,
well, this. It's late but you still- yeah, I, um, thank you," Rich lisped
gently, staring down at his cup of water with his hand clenched softly,
resettled in its spot on the table. Jeremy reached out and gently placed his
hand on top of Rich's fist, making Rich jump slightly and flick his eyes up to
Jeremy.
"You'd do the same for me." Rich's hand relaxed and he smiled sleepily at the
bean pole. His bean pole. His other hand came next to the one Jeremy's was
covering and wow holy shit tall ass has really big hands um and he rested his
left cheek on the small mess of fingers and palms, beaming tiredly up at
Jeremy. Jeremy's free hand came to play gently with Rich's hair and Rich's
chocolate brown eyes shut in bliss, a shaky sigh escaping his mouth and blowing
warm air over Jeremy's knuckles as Jeremy scratched his scalp lightly.
Rich sat up reluctantly when their milkshakes and onion rings arrived, Jeremy
zealously guarding the weird orange dipping sauce stuff they came with while
Rich coveted the ranch. They ate slowly, quietly, just sitting and burrowing in
the warmth and the glow of the restaurant. As the onion rings dwindled, Jeremy
fidgeted with his cardigan sleeve and Rich reached across the table to rest his
hand over Jeremy's. "Hey."
"I don't sleep because of- you know," Jeremy said quietly, retracting his hands
to set them in his lap. Rich withdrew his hand and a small crease formed
between his brows. It was his fault, all his fault, he told tall ass about the
squip, he toldstupidtall ass and then everything went to shit, it's all my
fault, he can't sleep and it's all because of me- "He- it- um. Blocked Michael
from my field of vision. Forced me to cheat on Brooke. Shocked me for my
posture. And stuff." Rich frowned and leaned a bit closer.
"It sorta... erased that I was bi. It ma-had me hurt- no, bully people. You.
When I set the fire..." Rich let out a long breath. "I was just so sick of
seeing the blue. Of hearing the blue. Of feeling the blue. It was always so
cold, y'know? Even the shocks. And I just- I wanted... I wanted to see
something else surrounding me. To hear real people, not this stupid fucking
computer. To feel warm, to feel hot, to feel like I was on fire, to make the
cold stop. So I drank... I drank a lot. Because it burned. And I decided I'd
like all of me to burn, too. And I lit that fucking match. And I held it up
against that stupid keg and-" Rich choked on his own breath for a minute. "And
I always dream that someone didn't get out in time. Chloe, Brooke, Jenna, Jake,
Michael, you. And the stupid fire? It was that shitty electric blue. It looked
blue when it happened, it’s blue in my dreams, it's always blue." Rich looked
up and found Jeremy's eyes, internally pleading with them to understand, trying
to keep his own tears at bay because god, what a loser, lisping and crying and
whining all pathetically and-
Jeremy reached out and wiped under Rich's eye, taking his hand and smiling in
understanding. "It wasn't your fault. You wanted to fit in. It's not a crime.
Everyone feels like they don't belong, and sure, the squip was really shitty.
Like, really shitty, I-I don't want to undermine how much it sucked but-
" Jeremy squeezed Rich's hand. "-everyone tries to find a way to cope. You're
not bad." Rich opened his mouth to protest but Jeremy cut him off. "Did I
fucking stutter? You're not bad. You made a mistake, and yes, it hurt you, and
yes, you could've hurt people, but we're alive. You're alive. That's what's
important." Rich cast his eyes down to their joined hands, his face crumpling
and he took in his marred, burned skin, scarred and red and angry, so harsh
against Jeremy's smooth, porcelain skin, his fingers long, long, longer than
Rich's, able to envelop his hands completely.
"It's- I'm a bit of a mess," Rich laughed, his voice thick. Jeremy smiled at
him and Rich swallowed, taking a deep breath. "Thank you."
"You deserve to be happy," Jeremy murmured, and Rich, although he wanted to,
didn't argue.
And when Rich dropped Jeremy off at home, if he silently mourned that he
couldn't kiss Jeremy to thank him for being so good and forgiving and kind when
he didn't deserve it at all, well, that wasn't anybody's business.
===============================================================================
 
Rich turned a corner as he chatted animatedly with Michael, approaching their
shared fourth period that was near Jeremy's locker. A loud bang startled him
and he looked up to see Jeremy shrinking back against the grey metal as Dustin
Kropp leered at him, looming over him with his fist next to Jeremy's head as
Jeremy continued to look smaller and smaller. Rich heard Michael gasp in alarm
after he looked up to investigate what caused Rich to fall silent mid-sentence.
Dustin sneered at Jeremy and Rich heard the words fag and tall ass float down
the hall. Seeing red, Rich sprinted towards Dustin and grabbed his shirt
collar, slamming him into the lockers.
"Don't touch him!" Rich snarled, curling his hand further into the white fabric
and pulling Dustin away from the metal just to slam him back into it. He half
heard Michael soothing Jeremy, but Rich ignored it in favor of yelling at this
dickwad. "No one makes fun of him, no one hurts him, and no one calls him tall
ass but me!" Rich lowered his voice menacingly and glared. "Touch him again and
we'll have a real problem. Got it, Kropp?" Dustin nodded quickly. Rich snorted
in disdain, stepping away and brushing his hands off nonchalantly. "Good. Now
get out of my sight," Rich spat. Dustin booked it down the hall and Rich tilted
his head up, looking down his nose in satisfaction.
"R-Rich?" Jeremy asked timidly, hesitantly reaching out towards his arm. Rich
turned and smiled, his shoulders lowering and his head tilting back to normal.
Jeremy flapped his hands in aggravation. "Are you okay? Y-you really didn't
have t-to do that," he stuttered, his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes blinking
rapidly. Rich laughed good-naturedly.
"Nah, you're my friend, tall ass, that dickwad wasn't gonna get away with it,"
he said easily, avoiding thinking about how worried Jeremy was about him about
him he was worried about him holy- The bell interrupted Rich's train of thought
and he flashed a grin at Jeremy. "See you at lunch?" He turned and walked
towards his classroom as Michael and Jeremy gaped after him.
"Holy shit," Michael muttered. Jeremy nodded in mute agreement.
Rich thought his way through fourth period, ignoring the looks Michael kept
giving him when he ignored his nudging and the piece of folded up notebook
paper he'd slid over. Once the bell rang, Rich shoved all his shit into his
backpack as Michael started raving. "Rich, what the fuck, I can't believe you
did that," he ranted, grabbing Rich's arm. "I mean, yeah, I figured you'd get
back at him, but not in public and not in front of Jeremy!" Rich shook off his
hand and laughed.
"It's no big deal." Rich denied. Michael looked at him like he was crazy. Yeah,
that was bullshit, it was a huge fucking deal. Rich freaked the fuck out.
"Bullshit, that was a huge deal! You just defended him. You defended Jeremy,"
Michael said loudly, making Rich aggressively hush him. (He definitely wasn't
being defensive. He wasn't!) Michael shot him a look.
"Forget it," Rich mumbled, running his hand through his hair. Michael sighed
and placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Bro. Talk to him," he implored. Rich shut his eyes and his jaw clenched, his
hands forming fists and his nails biting into his palms- the wetness,
uncomfortable between the nail and fingertip, indicated he'd reopened the scabs
there.
"I bullied people. I bullied him. What's the point, Michael?" Rich sighed and
reopened his eyes, his jaw still a line of tension. "He'd never- not with Rich,
not with Richard- hell, I don't know who I am anymore without that stupid
fucking pill," he spat, panicked, his eyes flitting all over the room and his
breathing becoming shallow. Michael gave an almost smile and changed the
subject. As they approached the squad's usual table, where Brooke already had
her head in Chloe's lap, snoring away, and Jake and Christine were chatting
animatedly, Rich and Michael shared a look at how Jeremy was standing
awkwardly, giving them a hesitant wave and weird smile.
"Ith no big deal," Michael mocked, laughing with good humor when Rich slugged
him in the arm with a 'he-ey!'Jeremy fidgeted as Rich and Michael got closer.
"Hey, buddy, how's things?" Jeremy blinked, seemingly surprised by the
question.
"U-um, better?" Michael raised an eyebrow at the question tacked on at the end
but let it go. "Rich, can I- can we talk for- for a minute?" he squeaked,
looking anywhere but at Rich's face and wringing his hands nervously and he was
so fucking cute what the fuck- Rich spared a look towards Michael and received
a shrug.
"Yeah, of course dude, what's on your mind?" Rich answered as they started
gravitating out of the cafeteria.
"I-I just, well- um, it's- you d-didn't have to, y'know..." Rich raised his
eyebrows and Jeremy stared down at his feet. "Stand up for me," he mumbled.
Rich took a sharp breath through his nose but Jeremy held up a hand that began
to flap. "I-I mean, you've had a hard enough time since... and, well, y-you
don't need to put a target on yourself, on your back, just because someone was
being an-an asshole." Jeremy laughed awkwardly and Rich exhaled harshly.
"Jeremy, look at me," he instructed gently. He waited for a moment until
Jeremy's beautiful, beautiful eyes met his. Shit."You're my friend. I couldn't
care less what they do to me or what they say about me; I care about making
sure you're safe, making sure you're okay. That's what matters. Capiche?"
Jeremy nodded mutely and Rich smiled. "Good. Now, let's go, tall ass, I'm
starving and today's nachos!" Rich grabbed Jeremy's wrist and dragged him back
to the lunchroom, definitely not thinking about how close they were to holding
hands, and if when Jeremy sat between Rich and Michael (instead of Christine
and Michael) Rich's heart sped up, no one needed to know.
===============================================================================
 
Rich laid staring into space from one of the beanbags in Michael's basement.
The Filipino's soft snores were steady and consistent as part of Rich reached
out, looking for remnants of an instructor, a teacher, and a tormentor that was
no longer there. It was early Saturday morning and Michael was asleep after
getting hopelessly stoned, whereas Rich was instead lost in his mind, having
never slept in the first place. He poked and prodded, trying to find himself in
the aftermath of all that had happened. It'd been months and he still hadn't.
He wasn't plain, geeky, clutsy Richard from freshman year. He wasn't over-
dramatic, douchey, cruel Rich from the past few years. He didn't think he was
any sort of strange blend, either. He just- was. He sighed quietly, abandoning
his quest to search for the squip's remains, and grabbed the Dr Pepper sitting
next to him, taking a large swig. The clock next to him glared red, 5:32 AM
burning itself behind his eyelids.
His thoughts shifted from the squip itself to the squip's consequences. He
dwelled on Michael's newfound abandonment issues, on Brooke's mistrust of her
girlfriend, on Jake's distance, on Chloe's reluctance to interact with people
outside the group, on Jenna's constant dark eyes and near-exhaustion, on
Christine's immense discomfort with drinking anything in the auditorium or even
sometimes at school, and on Jeremy's misled all-consuming guilt.
And now Rich's focus was shifting to Jeremy, his mind's eye conjuring images of
Jeremy laughing, his long eyelashes dark against his pale cheeks, his body
hunched over and that stupid fucking cardigan half-off of one shoulder. The
next image was one of Jeremy's anger, of the hurt set of his mouth and the
condescending tilt of his nose and the red tips of his ears and the storminess
of his eyes and the words it's all your fault and you ruined my life echoing
around in Jeremy's voice. This was juxtaposed with the image of Jeremy that
night in Denny's, the artificial light creating a golden halo behind his head,
face open and eyes focused only on Rich, hand clasped in his and an exhausted
smile spread on his face, paired with paint-splattered freckles and a bleeding,
watercolor blush. An image of Jeremy, crying, curled in on himself and his hand
over his mouth and his nails clawing at his cardigan, at his shirt, sobs
washing over his body like tsunamis, and I wish I'd never met you bouncing off
the corners of the isolated room Rich's mind had conjured up. And the images
kept coming, over and over, dark to light, happy to sad, open to closed, bliss
to breakdown, until Rich muffled a broken cry behind his palm and shut his eyes
tight against the world, his nails biting into his thigh as he clawed at the
feelings within himself, because he'd never be good enough for Jeremy he ruined
Jeremy's life he didn't even know who he was he hated feeling this way get it
out get it out get it out-
Rich was jolted into the present when hands found his shoulders and he could
hear a faint voice, warped as if through cotton or water, asking him to
breathe, telling him it would be okay, asking if he could hear him. Rich fell
forward, his fingers twisting in whatever fabric was nearest him and words
spilling out of his mouth, babbling about how lost he was and how horrible he
was and how he didn't think anything could be okay anymore. And he felt
Michael's tears on his neck as they clung to each other desperately, Michael
trying to hold on, hold on for Rich's sake, and Rich wishing he had died in his
fire like he was fucking supposed to and feeling Michael sob when Rich voiced
it.
And a few moments later, when they had calmed, stilled, and were sitting side
by side, hands held, together in solidarity, comfort, and friendship, Michael
said quietly, "I wanted to die in the fire too." And if Rich pecked his cheek
gently, and if Michael's tears wet both their faces when Michael leaned in to
kiss him briefly, letting out a single, choked sob into Rich's mouth, well,
then, that was between them. Sometimes you just need to feel loved, he thought,
as they launched Apocalypse of the Damned, their hands still joined between
them, the clock shouting 9:07 AM. Even if it's just with a friend.
They didn't speak of what happened, but someday, a while in the future, Michael
would pause whatever game they were playing and take his hand. "Thank you,"
he'd whisper, and Rich would echo the same, and they'd smile at each other
before they resumed their game and pretended nothing happened.
===============================================================================
 
                                 INTERMISSION
===============================================================================
                                        
It was just a regular Wednesday when it happened. That morning, Rich had been
particularly excitable, bouncing around, seemingly drunk on the first breaths
of spring. Jeremy, however, had been in a particularly bad mood, wearing greys
and blacks and standing ramrod straight and his hands staying completely still
by his sides. Michael and Rich had been trying desperately to act just this
side of normal, to calmly wait for him to be okay, but Rich couldn’t contain
his energy.
At lunch, Jeremy was sat next to Michael and Christine, as usual, while Rich
rambled on excitedly about some new movie or another. He practically vibrated
in his seat, gesticulating and speaking loudly, attempting to recapture the
film’s highlights through dramatizing it, until Jeremy slammed his hand on the
table. Rich jumped about a foot along with everyone else at the table and fell
silent. “Can’t you just be quiet for two goddamn minutes?” Jeremy snapped,
making Rich flinch and sink into himself. “Christ! It’s like you don’t even
realise how annoying you sound! No one cares about your lame movie, just shut
up already.” Jeremy’s voice was cold, and his eyes were glaring, and the table
was shocked into silence, sending Rich into an internal panic oh my god oh my
god this is all my fault if I just wasn’t such a fucking loser and if I hadn’t
gotten the stupid squip none of this would’ve happened and he wouldn’t be mad
at me all my fault all my fault all my fault-
Rich scrambled out of his spot, abandoning his bag and lunch, and ran. He
sprinted through the halls, shoving past anyone who was in his way, running out
the doors and off of campus and towards the one place he had felt safe, the
stupid fucking Denny’s, because of course the only place I feel like I can calm
down is somewhere where he took me when I was having an attack.
Soon enough, Rich was tucked into the very same corner booth, ignoring the
onion rings in front of him in favor of playing with the whipped cream on his
hot chocolate with his spoon. He sniffled pathetically, you don’t even realise
how annoying you sound! and no one cares about your lame movie, just shut up
already echoing around his head. The image of Jeremy’s angry sneer printed
itself behind his eyelids, and Rich’s eyes welled with tears he tried
desperately to ignore.
He glanced up when he heard someone clear their throat, seeing Michael looking
at him with furrowed eyebrows and a slight smile. “Can I sit?” Rich nodded
mutely and Michael slid in across from him, folding his hands on the table
after handing Rich his backpack. Rich’s eyes wandered back down to his hot
chocolate that had long since gone cold and he held back tears, his eyebrows
scrunched together and his mouth wobbling. He heard Michael shift and felt him
sit next to him instead, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. Rich let out a
choked sob and turned into his embrace, pressing his face into Michael’s
shoulder and crying into his hoodie, wishing with all his might that it was a
stupid blue cardigan instead, and knowing it never would be.
===============================================================================
 
After The Incident, Rich slowly pulled away from the group, not wanting Jeremy
to lose the friends that he deserved to have, because Jeremy deserved the
world. He kept his head down in the hallways and distanced himself from
everyone, even Michael, having started with Christine, then Jenna, then Chloe,
then Jake, then Brooke, and finally Michael. He started finding excuses not to
sit at the squad’s lunch table, citing too much homework or a test that he had
to study for as excuses to eat in the library or hide out in the bathroom. He
quickly became a regular at the Denny’s. And, of course, he avoided Jeremy like
the plague.
Rich gradually started fading away, unaware of the concerned eyes of his
friends that followed his every move, too exhausted and hurt to even consider
that they cared anymore because they’re all better off without me he didn’t
want me there he never wanted me there all I do is hurt everyone.
One Thursday afternoon, the day before a three day weekend, there was a knock
at his door. Rich tiredly walked downstairs, his face and demeanor dull as he
pulled open the door. He glanced around, confused by the lack of a person
there, before he looked down. Rich gasped, his hand flying to his mouth as
tears welled in his eyes.
Jeremy’s cardigan was on his doorstep.
He sank to his knees, brushing his fingertips lightly over the fabric, his face
crumpling immediately after. He snatched up the cardigan and clutched it to his
chest, burying his face in it and sobbing silently, shoulders shaking and his
body curling up around it because I miss him so much and I’m so sorry and I
didn’t mean to ruin his life and I just want him to come back please please
please please please.
Rich cried himself to sleep that night, wrapped in the cardigan and being
smothered by his memories.
===============================================================================
 
Rich, once Monday came, starting wearing the cardigan to school every day,
shameless of his action as he drowned himself in the only thing he had of
Jeremy. He ignored the way the bottom brushed his knees, he ignored how
ridiculously long the sleeves were, all he cared about was the way it smelled
and how soft it was against his skin. He didn’t notice the way the squip
squads’ eyes traveled over him each morning, he didn’t notice Jeremy’s forlorn
glances at him from down the hallway, he didn’t notice Michael trying
desperately to get Rich to talk to him, didn’t notice anything except the
stupid fucking sweater that was the only thing that kept him afloat because at
least I have something of him.
At least, he didn’t notice anything until the day that Brooke approached him
with a nearly identical one.
She cornered him during the passing period before lunch, grabbing his wrist and
dragging him to a secluded hallway. “Brooke, w-what-” Rich stuttered, his voice
quiet but surprised as she unzipped her backpack. She offered him a sad smile
as she dug around, letting out a pleased hum as she pulled out- holy shit.
“Trade me,” she instructed, holding it out. Rich froze, wide eyed as he looked
between her face and the cardigan and her face and the cardigan. She shook it
at him. “Go on.” He blinked before slowly shrugging off the one he had on,
reaching out tentatively for what was being offered, as if afraid it would be
snatched away. Brooke accepted the old one with a gentle squeeze of his arm and
he pulled on the new one quickly, tears welling up in his eyes. It smells like
him.
“Tha-nk you,” he choked out, sniffling and curling into himself a bit. He and
Brooke had been close before everything, originally due to proximity, but
although they made an odd pair, the sweet blonde girl had a soothing, maternal
presence and was always able to keep him grounded, whether she was napping or
as awake as she can be, and he brought her energy or something (he thinks). The
bi-weekly Pinkberry expeditions with her, Jake, and himself helped deepen their
friendship. It cemented her as someone safe.
She smiled at him, her face kind and open, and pushed his hair back from his
forehead. “Of course,” she said sweetly, wiping the tears off his cheeks and
kissing the top of his head before gathering him in her arms in a careful hug.
Rich’s arms went around her waist and a few more tears spilled over. After a
moment, she drew back and took his hand lightly, playing with his fingers while
tugging him alongside her. They entered Mr. Thomas’ classroom, him giving them
both a nod while she pulled Rich to settle them both on a couch in the back of
the room.
She sat, opening her arms to him again as he sniffled. Rich curled up next to
her, resting his head on her lap. Brooke carded her fingers through his hair
and hummed to him quietly.
They hardly moved until the bell rang.
===============================================================================
 
From that point on, Brooke and Michael alternated days to pull him upstairs to
Thomas’ room, speaking just enough, and ensuring that Rich ate, swapping
cardigans with him every so often. And one day in late April, Rich met Michael
there, earning a beaming smile and an excess of praise, Rich leaving the room
that day with an ever so faint smile ghosting around his lips.
Soon enough, Michael and Brooke started coming together, gradually
reintroducing members of the squad. They started with Jake. He all but squeezed
the life out of Rich the first day he sat upstairs. “I’m glad you’re okay,” was
spoken into Rich’s shoulder as Jake smothered him with affection, Rich letting
out a squeak as he was lifted up. Next was Chloe, who dropped her cold exterior
for half a moment when she gave him a light hug and he felt a hot tear drip
onto his temple. Jenna and Christine came at the same time, wrapping him into a
group hug during which Jenna punched his arm and berated him for making her
worry and Christine bawled her eyes out.
They remained this way for a few days until one day Rich quietly asked an
almost unheard, “Where’s Jeremy?” Michael blinked at him in surprise and Rich
explained. “I won’t do anything to irritate him. I just don’t want him to be
all alone...” because it was all my fault that he had anything to be upset
about in the first place and he doesn’t deserve to lose his friends because I’m
being selfish. He spoke in an embarrassed mumble, playing with the sleeves of
the cardigan and avoiding anyones eyes, at least until the silence was too
much. He glanced up to see Michael looking ready to tear his hair out and
everyone else staring at Rich. “What?”
A pause.
Finally, “You isolated yourself for a month and you’re still worried about him
instead of you, dude,” Jake said bluntly. Rich blinked, his eyebrows furrowing,
before he nodded.
“Well, yeah, I ruined his life with that fucking computer, I deserved to-” he
began, quickly cut off by a firm hug. He looked down, surprised, and saw
Christine, even-smaller-than-him Christine, crying and hugging him harshly.
“No you didn’t!” she shouted, shaking him aggressively. “It wasn’t your fault!”
He floundered for a minute, patting her back awkwardly.
“I took the pill, so it kinda was,” he said, his voice nonchalant. She swatted
at his chest. “What?” he almost-whined. She swatted at him again and again.
“It wasn’t your fault!” she yelled louder. He sighed in defeat, petting her
hair lightly.
“Okay, okay,” he allowed, his eyes wide as he looked at everyone else, who were
in various states of distress. Michael was still particularly angry. Rich
quickly changed the topic and the air became lighter again. He noticed Jenna
typing furiously out of the corner of his eye but ignored it; she was a gossip,
but she didn’t and wouldn’t gossip about her friends. After a few moments of
banter within the group that Rich sat and watched, Christine now curled up next
to him with his hand in a fierce, protective grip, which, wow, that was kinda
nice, Jenna spoke up.
“He’s sitting with us tomorrow,” she stated, making eye contact with Rich. He
took a deep breath and nodded slowly, and with a shaky exhale, he gave the
smallest of smiles. Oh, god.
“Okay.”
===============================================================================
 
All morning, Rich had been beside himself. He was unsure if it was with
anticipation or anxiety, desire or dread, but he was struggling to stay still.
Four small, red half-moons were indented in his hands and the tiniest hints of
blood were underneath his fingernails as he fought to remain calm. The bell for
the end of fourth period finally rang and he booked it upstairs, walking fast
but not too fast because he’s gonna be there he’s gonna be there Jeremy
Jeremy’s gonna be there, wishing he knew what to do in this situation as he
walked into the classroom, Jenna and Chloe having beaten him there.
He took a moment to steady his breathing, concentrating on the fact that
Jeremy’s going to be in the same room as me voluntarily for the first time in a
two months holy shit. His heart was racing and his palms were sweaty, his nails
slipping on the calloused skin. He subconsciously tugged the cardigan closer
around his small frame and stood in the classroom, listening to Jenna and
Chloe’s chatter. Christine and Brooke entered the classroom, Christine talking
animatedly and Brooke listening with the rapt attention she gave all of her
friends. Jake and Michael trailed a few seconds behind, standing suspiciously
close together. Huh. I’ll have to ask Michael about that.
He took a breath, glancing furtively at the door every once in awhile. No
matter how subtle he thought he was, everyone noticed where Rich’s gaze kept
going. He was staring down at his fingers, fiddling with the sleeves of his
cardigan, until he was jolted by the sound of someone clearing their throat at
the doorway.
His head snapped up and his gaze focused in on the dark blue eyes he had missed
so much. He felt his heart jump into his throat and his chest constrict because
holy shit he’s so nice and tall and pretty and I love him so much-
Holy shit I love him.
Rich blinked once, twice, before dragging his eyes to the ground. “Hey,” he
said quietly, timidly, still standing frozen by the couches. He heard rather
than saw Jeremy shuffle forward, pausing when his feet were just in Rich’s line
of sight. He watched Jeremy’s hand move forward slowly, tentatively reaching
for the crook of Rich’s left elbow. Rich glanced up carefully, his eyes moving
deliberately towards Jeremy’s face. He felt Jeremy’s thumb rub at his burn
scars gently and finally, finally met his stare.
“Hi,” Jeremy said, giving a sad, anxious smile, his eyes red, bags dragging low
below them. Rich focused his gaze from one eye to the other, trying to memorize
Jeremy’s face, because who knows when Jeremy could decide that I’m not cool
enough again- His eyes widened as he noticed Jeremy’s other hand grabbing his
arm and pulling him closer to wrap his arms around Rich’s shoulders and bury
his face in his hair.
Rich’s hands clutched at Jeremy’s blue cardigan, identical to the one he was
wearing, shaking as he hugged him tightly. He subtly breathed in, basking in
Jeremy’s scent, the smell of wet soil and dryer sheets making him want to cry.
He shifted at the same time as Jeremy, Rich’s hands going around his neck and
Jeremy’s arms holding his waist. Jeremy’s nose brushed Rich’s neck and he held
back a shiver, feeling his collarbones tingle as Jeremy held him. “I’m sorry,
I’m so fucking sorry,” Jeremy murmured tearfully, face pressed into his
shoulder. “You didn’t deserve that, I was being awful, please don’t leave
again.” Jeremy’s apologies and explanations continued like a mantra, said
brokenly into Rich’s skin, and Rich let out a sob, shaking his head wordlessly,
because Christ, he’d missed him.
“I missed you, tall ass,” Rich mumbled, Jeremy crying harder at the nickname
and practically trying to make his and Rich’s skin bleed together with how
closely he was holding him. After a few moments, once they had both calmed
down, Rich pulled away reluctantly, smiling a watery smile up at Jeremy and
wiping at the taller boy’s cheeks. “You’re a mess,” he laughed, chin wobbling,
trying to tease. Jeremy snorted and cupped Rich’s face with one hand, Rich
leaning his cheek into his palm.
“We know,” Michael stated, earning a brief, hysterical little giggle from Rich.
Jeremy’s face softened to an emotion Rich couldn’t pinpoint and the boys shared
one more look before Jeremy moved his hand from Rich’s cheek to his wrist,
tugging him to the free space on the couch to sit wrapped in one another.
Things weren’t okay yet, but they would be.
They had to be.
===============================================================================
 
It was finally the last day of school and Rich was ready to jump out of his
skin. The bell would ring any minute and then junior year would be over and
they’d plunge into summer, summer filled with the squad and sunshine and
swimming and stupid fucking tall-ass. A few days after they reunited, Rich had
reluctantly returned Jeremy’s cardigan but had remained as close to him as he
dared, oftentimes seeking some form of physical reassurance that Jeremy was
still there, still existing, still wanting to be around Rich.
Things had shifted between them. Jeremy had quickly gained the habit of having
some form of touch with Rich whenever they were close, be it a few fingertips
on his shoulder or their sides pressed flush against each other as they were
sat on whatever couch or chair was there. There wasn’t anything different, per
se, and at the same time, nothing was the same. They were not-quite
codependent, and they were not-really vulnerable with each other, and they were
not-actually as restrained as before.
The bell finally rang and Rich sprang from his seat, afraid to be excited but
unable to hold it in any longer. He dashed to his locker and jerked his last
few things would before darting down the hallway and towards Jeremy’s locker.
He bounced on the balls of his feet as he waited, trying to contain his
enthusiasm, remembering all too well the last time he got this excited, but
failing to remain calm. He spotted Jeremy and barreled towards him, crashing
into him, excited giggles spilling out of his mouth as Jeremy caught him.
“Woah!” Jeremy laughed, steadying them as pink painted itself across his cheeks
and wow he’s so pretty.
“It’s summer!” Rich exclaimed, grinning up at Jeremy with a face-splitting
grin. Jeremy let out a snort and smoothed Rich’s hair back.
“I know ith thummer,” he teased, the both of them making their way to his
locker. Rich chatted animatedly as Jeremy pulled out his things, shifting his
weight from side to side as he waited anxiously. Once Jeremy had shut his
locker, Rich grabbed his arm and started dragging him down the hallway.
“C’mon, they’re waiting for us!” he urged, bouncing out of his skin in
excitement because I get to play laser tag with tall ass! Jeremy laughed and
followed, a faint blush spotting along his cheeks. Rich jumped into his car,
still bouncing, as Jeremy clamored into the passenger seat. Rich’s hand stayed
on the gear stick uselessly as his left leg bumped up and down. He hummed to
the music Jeremy played as he drove, navigating their way towards the meetup
place for the squad, lost in thought until he felt-
Oh.
Jeremy’s pinky was brushing against his, making Rich’s leg still for a moment
as he chanced a glance over at Jeremy, who was staring out the window, face a
deep red. Rich tentatively stretched his pinky over Jeremy’s, sucking in a
breath when Jeremy wrapped his around Rich’s in return, their little fingers
wound together between them. Rich exhaled shakily because oh my god tall ass is
practically holding my hand as his leg continued shaking and a smile tugged at
his lips.
Once they pulled up to the warehouse, Rich reluctantly let go of Jeremy’s
finger, skirting around his car to open Jeremy’s door for him. Jeremy’s face
flushed again and he gave Rich a pleased smile, earning a beam in return as he
emerged. They walked towards the group side by side, their hands brushing and
Rich’s mind racing.
Michael raised an eyebrow at Rich to comment you’re a little close once the
pair was within speaking distance and Rich sent a nervous, confused smile,
quirking his eyebrows to say I don’t know and getting an eyebrow waggle that
meant get some in return, making him shoot Michael a death glare with a huge
grin tugging at his lips.
The group filed inside and Rich immediately honed in on the attendant, who was
tall, curly haired, and brown eyed. Similar enough to Jeremy for Rich’s
purposes. He pulled out all the stops, giving the attendant flirty smiles and
brief touches and a piece of paper that had a fake number on it. He watched
from the corner of his eye as Jeremy got more and more flustered, immensely
pleased with himself at Michael’s silent laughter from where he was hunched
over next to Jerm.
The group was split into teams, with Rich, Jake, Brooke, and Christine against
Jeremy, Michael, Chloe, and Jenna. Rich gave Jake a fist bump, knowing how good
they both were at laser tag, as he heard Jeremy and Michael murmuring something
about ‘it’s a two-player game they make an attack’. Rich felt two gazes trained
on his face and glanced up, smug once he noticed Jeremy’s concentrated gaze on
Rich’s face because fuck yes I’m actually making him jealous. Rich shifted his
focus to the attendant, fluttering his eyelashes at him and saying he needed
help lacing up his vest.
He heard an irritated noise from Jeremy and turned around, meeting his eyes.
Jeremy’s eyebrows were low and his lips were pursed, the tips of his ears red
and his eyes focused intensely on Rich. Rich sucked in a breath as he saw
Jeremy’s face, ripping his gaze away and definitely not blushing as he stared
at his feet because holy fucking shit tall ass looks hot as hell when he’s
frustrated.
Rich and his team were led towards a door on the opposite side of the room,
Rich trailing at the back of the pack. Just before he entered the door, he
turned and gave Jeremy a shit eating grin. Jeremy’s face shifted and he took a
step forward, Michael falling to the ground with laughter as Rich turned and
scurried after his team.
The four of them were led down a hallway, stopping outside a door lined with
red LEDs. The attendant instructed them to stay there until the countdown
finished and the door turned blue, signaling it was unlocked. He then started
walking back the way they came, brushing his hand against Rich’s arm as he
passed, making him shudder uncomfortably. Jake let out a guffaw at Rich’s
reaction. “You were so trying to make Jeremy jealous,” he snorted, grinning
crookedly down at Rich. Rich smirked and nodded.
“Of course I was,” he confirmed. Jake laughed and Brooke let out a giggle. A
robotic voice came over the speakers, beginning a countdown from twenty. Rich
adjusted his grip on the gun, shooting an excited grin at all his teammates.
“Let’s win this shit,” he said, getting a cheer from Brooke and Christine and a
calm nod from Jake.
The door unlocked and they entered the hazy room, the room lit by the glow in
the dark painted objects and LEDs. Rich snuck around carefully, his heart
racing as he took in the atmosphere. He let his left hand trail against the
wall, keeping his eyes and ears peeled as he looked for a target. The base
location had been predetermined, as they had all played laser tag here before,
so Brooke and Christine were remaining there, hidden, while Jake and Rich tried
to find the others.
He heard a step behind him and turned and shot quickly, getting a frown from
Jenna. “Shit,” she muttered. Rich grinned and darted towards the middle of the
warehouse. He saw a flash of green and rushed after it, light on his feet as he
tagged them.
“Oh,” Chloe said, looking vaguely surprised. She gave Rich an eyeroll paired
with a smile and he saluted her before continuing towards the back wall on his
side. He patrolled the area for a bit, creeping carefully and hiding the LEDs
on his shoulder that gave him away. He heard a stifled laugh and followed it,
disabling Michael, who let out a snort when he saw his face.
“Jeremy’s fucking pissed,” he laughed. “Good luck.” Rich grinned widely.
“Good,” he said, pleased, making Michael wheeze. Rich walked away, trailing the
wall towards the green side. He reached the corner and continued along the
green wall, his eyes peeled. He made it about halfway before letting a
frustrated sigh out of his nose. Where’s Jeremy?
His arm was grabbed and he felt himself being pulled into a corner encapsulated
by an almost-closed arc, a single rectangular cutout on the wall to his right.
He caught a flash of green before he was being crowded into the corner, a thigh
pushing its way between his legs and holding him up against the wall. His
breath caught in his throat as he looked up in surprise, seeing Jeremy staring
down at him, a wickedly pleased grin on his face. Their hips pressed together
as Rich was pushed further into the wall.
He let out a squeak and Jeremy let out a satisfied laugh, his eyes boring into
Rich’s until he leaned down and kissed him, soft as a feather, Rich making a
choked noise before he sank into it, eyes closing and hands flitting towards
Jeremy’s face, only to be caught in one hand and held up above his head. Jeremy
lips suddenly used bruising pressure and Rich whimpered, his toes curling once
Jeremy slid his tongue into his mouth. He slowly started moving his mouth down
Rich’s jaw, pausing just under his right ear to suck harshly, biting at the
skin as Rich melted under his touch.
Jeremy kissed him fiercely again, sucking on Rich’s tongue as he pressed him
harder into the wall. Rich heard a familiar zzzing! and Jeremy was suddenly
gone, Rich left panting and wet mouthed and with Jeremy’s taste on his tongue
as he tried to process that tall ass kissed me tall ass kissed me tall ass
fucking kissed me and then-
“What the fuck?” Rich said incredulously, not sure whether to laugh or slap
himself because tall ass kissed me and then shot me what the hell. He heard the
sound of the siren signaling one minute left in the game and blinked,
disoriented. A familiar snort was heard behind him and he spun, seeing Jeremy
grinning cockily at him through the window.
“Whatcha gonna do about it?” he teased, grinning. Rich blinked at him twice
before he bolted outside the pillar, racing after him as he ran off, laughter
spilling from Jeremy as they shoved past Brooke and Chloe having a showdown. He
heard Jake and Michael shout something and ignored them, Rich’s own snorts
mixing with Jeremy’s giggles that made him sound like he was so fucking pleased
with himself.
“GAME OVER,” echoed robotically through the stadium and Rich huffed, walking
towards his door like he was supposed to. They entered the hallway again, now
light, and Jake let out a chortle.
“Dude, where did you get that?” he asked, laughing. Rich looked at him in
confusion and Jake reached out, pressing three fingers into his neck, making
him hiss. That little shit gave me a hickey. Rich turned steadily red. (In the
future, he would deny this vehemently any time Jake brought it up.)
“Oh my fucking god,” he muttered, Jake laughing at him as they continued down
the hallway. He felt a familiar, feminine hand on his shoulder, a single nail
sliding down the mark, and he turned to look at Brooke. “How bad?” She grinned
at him.
“A solid seven out of ten, magenta, an inch and a half or so,” she said. He
groaned and she bit back a laugh, retracting her hand as Christine gasped.
“Did Jeremy do that?” she exclaimed, her hands clutching his arm. “It looks so
painful!” Rich laughed sheepishly as her worried eyes examined his face.
“Chris, I’m fine,” he assured. She reluctantly let go and they all continued
forward, pausing in front of the scoreboard. Their score came on first, 570 PTS
glowing red. Above it, 650 PTS appeared in green and Rich groaned. Fucking tall
ass. He heard cheers from the other side of the door as the four of them pulled
off all their gear, hanging them on the provided return racks. When they
finally emerged, the triumphant team was nowhere to be found, the attendant
also being missing, thankfully. Rich walked out behind the other three, seeing
Michael, Jenna, and Chloe all at a bench off to the left.
Someone cleared their throat behind him and he turned slowly, seeing Jeremy
leaning single-shouldered against the wall, hands shoved awkwardly in his
pockets and a blush high on his cheeks. “Hi,” Rich breathed, taking a few steps
closer to mirror how Jeremy was resting against the wall. He felt his heart
speed up and his face grow warm when Jeremy smiled at him and wow I love him.
“Hi,” he murmured, stepping a little closer and a little away from the wall. He
reached out and rested a hand on Rich’s neck, pressing his thumb into the
hickey as his smile grew just a little bit smug. Rich breath hissed out through
his teeth and Jeremy looked considerably more pleased as he stepped a little
closer again, a little bit more caging, the pressure ebbing and his thumb
swiping over the area.
Rich tilted his head upwards and smiled at Jeremy as he shifted closer,
completely parallel to the wall and with only a few inches of space left. He
reached up and rested his left palm flat against Jeremy’s chest, fingers
brushing his neck as his eyes narrowed slightly. Jeremy’s hand slid up to cup
his cheek, thumb brushing his cheekbone and free hand hesitantly, gently placed
on Rich’s hip, Rich’s free hand going to the back of his neck. Holy shit holy
shit holyshitholyshitholyshit-
Jeremy leaned down, closing the distance behind them, Rich’s eyes sliding shut
at the first brush of Jeremy’s lips against his own, letting out a sigh into
his mouth and humming when Jeremy’s arms moved to wrap around his waist. Rich’s
hands dangled over Jeremy’s shoulders as Jeremy kissed him sweetly, a gentle
smile on his lips as he breathed in.
They pulled apart and Rich’s eyes were downcast, slowly rolling up to meet
Jeremy’s as their foreheads pressed together, a deep blush underneath Jeremy’s
freckles. Honey filled the area just below his stomach and Rich smiled, their
lips coming together again once more, twice more, grins on both their faces,
Rich feeling warm and pliable and happy becausewow.
“I love you.” Rich hugged Jeremy tighter as he heard his words, letting out a
happy noise. “I love you,” Jeremy repeated, his eyes closing blissfully as a
red blush floated onto Rich’s cheeks. Rich let out a laugh, his cheeks hurting
from grinning because oh my god he loves me.
“I love you,” he said, being rewarded with a blinding smile from Jeremy. “I’m
yours, all yours.” Jeremy’s arms tightened around him, holding him fiercely, as
if to hide him from any prying eyes.
“Yeah?” he verified, his face in Rich’s shoulder. Rich nodded, pressing a kiss
into the junction between Jeremy’s neck and left shoulder, smiling against his
skin.
“Yeah,” he confirmed, his arms tightening around him. Jeremy let out a
delighted laugh, and holy shit tall ass loves me.
They pulled away, hands tangling together, knowing they’d need to talk but
knowing it could wait, and approached the group to cheers and exclamations.
Rich smiled up at Jeremy, his free hand coming to rest on his forearm, clinging
to him, as Jeremy’s hand tightened and he smiled down at him.
After a brief trip to Pinkberry, the group split, Rich sending Michael a look
when he and Jake walked off together and getting an eyeroll in return. Rich and
Jeremy walked to the car, talking quietly, and Rich was just so goddamn happy.
Once they were inside, Jeremy plugged in his phone, clicking on a playlist in
his Spotify titled “big mood”. Rich smiled as a familiar song started playing
quietly. “Mine?” Jeremy offered. Rich nodded and started driving, their hands
clasped together in between them.
A brief fifteen minutes later, the two were settled in Jeremy’s room, Rich
drowning in one of Jeremy’s tanktops and his soft blue cardigan. He sat himself
next to Jeremy, leaving a respectable distance between the both of them. Jeremy
reached for his hand and Rich took it without hesitation, smiling up at tall
ass because I’m his.
Rich took a deep breath. “How long?” he asked quietly. Jeremy smiled softly.
“Denny’s,” he answered. Rich nodded, smiling faintly as he reminisced on that
night. “I didn’t realise until the, uh- th-the Incident. You?”
“The hospital.” Jeremy let out a quiet snort and Rich grinned up at him.
“Figured it allout after the fact. Post-Incident. I was a bit slow on the
uptake,” he said easily. Jeremy giggled quietly and squeezed his hand.
“I’m sorry,” Jeremy said quietly. Rich furrowed his eyebrows and grasped his
other hand because tall ass shouldn’t be sorry what the fuck is this.
“I’m the one who’s sorry. I told you about the stupid squip, none of anything
that happened was your fault, it was mine-” he started, Jeremy cutting him off.
“I’m the one who took it, and I’m the one who still lets it rule my life. I’m
sorry for abandoning you,” he said, his voice firm. Rich gave him a sad smile.
“I forgave you the moment it happened,” he said gently, Jeremy’s eyes looking
sad.
“I don’t deserve that,” he whispered. Rich blinked slowly.
“I disagree. You deserve the world, you’re everything to me, Jeremy,” Rich
stated. Jeremy smiled and squeezed his hands.
“You’re pretty much almost the kindest person I’ve ever met,” he murmured,
turning pink. “I love you.”
“I love you,” Rich beamed, scooting closer as a blush came to his face again.
Jeremy withdrew his hands and flapped them nervously and wow that’s endearing.
“How, uh- how fast do we wanna, er, go…?” Rich laughed quietly and cupped
Jeremy’s cheek, giving him slight eyes.
“Jer, babe, you have the highest sex drive in the world and I’m a raging
bisexual,” he answered, “and we’ve both loved each other for months. I don’t
think we need to take it super slow.” Jeremy let out a sigh of relief and
grinned at Rich and this can’t be real holy shit.
“I’m glad,” he stated devilishly (and awkwardly) before pouncing, kissing Rich
harshly. Rich laughed and climbed onto his lap, wrapping his legs around his
waist and his arms around his neck. He kissed back just as fiercely, feeling
Jeremy’s arms twist around his waist and pull him closer. Rich let out a whine
as Jeremy slid his tongue along the roof of his mouth and pressed forward,
running his tongue along the front Jeremy’s teeth. He raised a hand into
Jeremy’s hair, hand tightening at the back of his head as he licked into his
mouth. Jeremy made a high keening noise and Rich yanked on his hair, tugging
his head back to bite at the spot on his neck because I fucking can. Jeremy let
out a low groan and Rich smirked against his skin, worrying at it until he drew
back with a satisfied smile.
He met Jeremy’s gaze and was entranced by the intensity there. He dragged his
head forward to initiate another bruising kiss, Jeremy’s hands tightening on
his waist as the warm, syrupy sensation of arousal pooled in Rich’s groin. As
Jeremy’s hands slid over his arms, pulling off the cardigan, and then under his
shirt, Rich rolled his hips down, nipping at Jeremy’s bottom lip and smirking
at the near-growl that emitted from Jeremy because yep, hot as shit when he’s
mad.
The world shifted around him as Jeremy broke their kiss to flip them over,
pinning Rich under him with his legs spread from being wrapped around Jeremy’s
waist. Rich let out a quiet yelp, Jeremy laughing breathlessly and smiling down
at him. Rich grinned mischievously and rutted up against Jeremy again, reveling
in the way that Jeremy’s eyes darkened. Jeremy grabbed Rich’s wrists, pinning
them above him as he rolled his hips down. Rich let out a strangled moan and
Jeremy grinned wickedly.
Jeremy started mouthing at his neck as Rich squirmed, arching his back as he
tried to make Jeremy just fucking do something already. He whined as Jeremy bit
on the hickey he’d left earlier and Jeremy’s smile caused the skipping drag of
teeth against skin. Rich’s wrists were released and Jeremy tugged at his
tanktop, yanking it off him as quickly as he could. Rich pulled at Jeremy’s t-
shirt, whining when he wouldn’t get it off. Jeremy scrambled out of it and
tossed it somewhere behind him before immediately returning his mouth to Rich’s
skin, biting at his collarbones and placing his hands at Rich’s biceps.
Rich made a garbled noise before grabbed at Jeremy’s shoulders and hair, trying
desperately to ground himself, to ignore the fear that after this, Jeremy would
just walk away again, decide he wasn’t good enough, and instead trying to
surrender, to let himself be owned. Jeremy’s hips rolled down and Rich gasped
out an “Oh!”, pressing up, towards the friction and towards Jeremy. Jeremy’s
lips found his again and they kissed, open mouthed and wet, panting into each
other as Jeremy ground down again and again and again.
Rich arched his back as Jeremy’s mouth mapped a trail down his body. Rich’s
cock strained against his boxers and he sighed when Jeremy pulled them down,
the relief swirling with the anticipation in his chest, skin flushed and eyes
drawn to Jeremy, to his hair, to his cheekbones, to the dip of where his throat
met his ribcage. Rich jolted and let out a broken moan when Jeremy dug his
fingers in just above his hips and pressed a wet kiss to his hipbone, moving
down the line of his pelvis. He paused, looking up to meet Rich’s eyes and
giving him a wicked smile before holy shit is that his tongue!?-
Rich squirmed, a high whine lacing his exhale as wet noises filled the air. His
hands clenched the bedsheets as he moved, wanting more please please more more
Jeremy- Rich inhaled sharply when Jeremy adjusted so that Rich’s legs were over
his shoulders, his hands still just above his hip bones, leaving four
wonderful, dark bruises under his fingertips and this is even better oh my god-
He writhed as Jeremy slid two fingers into him, chest heaving as Jeremy’s eyes
watched him appraisingly, flickering between his entrance and his face. “Jer,”
he breathed as a third finger pressed in with the other two, trying to adjust
to the slight discomfort when- oh.
Rich’s vision faded to white for a moment and he gasped, back arching and face
contorting. He looked at Jeremy with wide eyes. “Do that again,” he rapsed.
Jeremy grinned and crooked his fingers just so. “Nng- do-don’t stop-p-” Rich
pleaded, his lisp prominent. Jeremy chuckled lightly and continued, rubbing
that spot unwaveringly. “J-Jer-Jeremy, I-I-”
Jeremy’s fingers retracted and Rich’s hips thrust towards nothing, another
whine spilling from his mouth. “Condom?” Jeremy asked breathlessly. Rich shook
his head aggressively.
“No, I’ve never- want to feel you,” he gasped, clutching at Jeremy’s shoulders.
Jeremy’s face above his was awed.
“You haven’t- e-ever-?” Rich shook his head no again and Jeremy cupped his
face, pressing their mouths together in another intense, sloppy, slightly
awkward kiss. Rich rutted upward, smiling at Jeremy. “A-are you sure?” His eyes
bored into Rich’s and Rich nodded furiously, kissing him because I want it to
be him I need it to be him he’s all I’ve ever wanted Jeremy Jeremy Jeremy-
“I wouldn’t have it be anyone else,” he murmured. Jeremy smiled brighter than
the sun and kissed him hard, the tension easing itself from his face. The slip
of their tongues together was intoxicating, but a few moments later, Rich
pulled back enough to say, “Do it.”
Jeremy locked gazes with him, Rich’s eyes completely open and unshrouded as he
met Jeremy’s stare. He felt Jeremy line himself up and nodded, maintaining eye
contact as he felt the pressure of Jeremy’s head against him. He whined when it
slipped inside, Jeremy pausing for a moment to kiss him again.
Rich’s legs over Jeremy’s shoulders, he laid himself bare as Jeremy began to
continue pushing into him. Albeit a decent amount of pain, Rich basked in the
feeling of being so close to him, Jeremy murmuring praises near-reverently. He
bottomed out and Rich sighed, clenching around him and making Jeremy let out a
low moan and wow. It was just so- full. Rich attempted to slide upward and
Jeremy gasped, his hips pulling back before snapping back up, his cock dragging
against that spot and making Rich see stars.
Jeremy drew himself out before dicking back in again, and again, and again. His
thrusts kept speeding up as Rich joined their mouths together again, hips
snapping together and praises falling into his mouth as Jeremy pistoned in. A
familiar knot started building in Rich’s gut and he met every thrust as best he
could as Jeremy fucked him into the mattress. “I-I’m yo-ours,” he gasped out,
getting a broken moan and particularly harsh thrust from Jeremy in return.
“Mine, mine, mine,” Jeremy mumbled into Rich’s neck, snapping his hips forward
with each proclamation.
“Yours, Jer,” Rich promised. Jeremy whined and moved his face so he could see
Rich’s, hips still pistoning. He fucked into him as Rich reached up and cupped
his cheek. “Yours.”
“‘M close,” Jeremy whined, nearly in tears. Rich ground his hips up and the
tears spilled.
“M-me too,” he breathed, meeting him thrust for thrust still as Jeremy cried,
overwhelmed. Jeremy pressed his mouth against Rich’s, breathing heavily as he
dicked into him a few more times before Rich felt him shudder and a hot liquid
fill him as Jeremy said his name almost reverently. Rich groaned and came
untouched, coating their chests in white with a moaned “Jeremy.” Jeremy rolled
his hips a few more times, riding out his orgasm, as he collapsed on Rich,
crying hot tears and letting Rich’s legs slip around his waist.
Rich smiled up at him and Jeremy smiled back as he felt Rich wiping at his
cheeks, holding the smaller boy close and Rich thinking wow he’s beautiful.
After a few moments, Jeremy carefully slid himself out of Rich, rolling over,
and Rich moaned quietly before he stood to grab a washcloth. Jeremy sat and
waited for Rich to return, where he wiped both their faces and chests. Jeremy
wiped gently at Rich’s gaping hole before he tossed the cloth to the side and
they changed the sheets together.
Rich crawled into bed and smiled up at Jeremy as he wrapped his arms around his
waist and held him close. “So good,” Rich murmured groggily, nuzzling his face
into Jeremy’s bare chest as he let out a laugh. Jeremy’s fingers ran through
Rich’s hair as he slowly drifted off with thoughts of Jer, Jer, Jer swirling
around his head.
Things still weren’t one hundred percent okay.
But they would be.
End Notes
     thank you so much!!
     to reiterate some important stuff, the intermission was supposed to
     be where i developed the characters more, but i hit a wall and
     eventually decided to post the story as is. this is as complete as it
     will be for now, but i would like to explore their universe a bit
     more if people ask for more content.
     UPDATE:
     okay people liked this and i still want more from my characters so
     it's gonna be a series now (and i'll probably rarely update it tbqh)
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